Hey, everybody, welcome back to The Covenant Eyes Podcast. It's Karen and we are back for another great episode on season four. I can't believe we are on season four. You guys have been an amazing, amazing audience and we are just so excited to bring today's guest to you and talk about a topic that does not get talked about a lot. We actually have Bethany Beal joining us today, and we are going to be talking about all sorts of issues like dating and marriage and just the whole thing. And also what do Christians get wrong in those spaces? So hopefully we'll learn a lot from Bethany and her ministry. Bethany, thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you. I'm really excited. It's so fun because dating and singleness, marriage, those topics were such a huge focus for us over here at Girl Definedd in the beginning. So when I started Girl Definedd Ministries over ten years ago, I was totally single. But like I was in the desert lands with no options. And so I talked a lot about singleness and just dates. I was going on her dating relationships. I was in. And so this is a really fun conversation because I feel like this was my passion and kind of how our the ministry started. So this is really exciting. Oh so good. Well, for our listeners that are not familiar with your work or who you are, can you share a little bit about how you got started and what a bit about your background? Yeah, so I grew up in a family with eight kids, which is a lot to some people, not a lot to others. There are five girls and we're all pretty close and eight. So my sister, who's just less than two years older than me, Christian, and we in some ways I feel like we share the exact same life. Almost like we were twins, but not. And growing up we both had this. Like, we just wish that there was someone who was a little bit older than us that would pour into our lives, like spiritually, we really, you know, I really want to do the right thing. She really wanted to do the right thing. And we were just like me. And it would be so cool if there were like an older woman or even a woman who was maybe like 5 or 10 years older than us, and it just didn't happen. And, you know, back then, growing up, there weren't as many like, social media didn't exist, there weren't as many online options. But as we had, like our college years or early 20s, we were like, you know, we could be that mentor or that role model for other younger women who would desire this and who would want this. And we're not perfect, but hey, we've learned a few things over the years, and maybe we can just link arms with the the younger generation and kind of like just point them to the word, point them to truth, you know, share our our mistakes. Sure. That the things we think we did well, how God grew us. And so just time out of the blue, we launched a blog and it was called Girl to Find Ministries. And that was back when blogging was like the only thing and the main thing, and God was just super gracious to us because within the first year, like, we're literally nobodies from Texas. Nobody knows about us. We, you know, we're just these two girls. We launched this blog and this huge publishing company comes across one of our posts, and they think we are like these established authors, and they literally reached out to us and offered us a book contract on the spot. And so it was just like, miracle of all miracles. That's kind of how Girl Divine came to be, because we got this crazy connection within, like the first three months of launching and now six books later, ten years later, of Ministry, here we are. So our passion, our lives have changed. You know, I was single when we started. I'm married with two kids now. Kristen is married with three kids. And so our lives have changed. But the passion to really reach out and encourage other women and in this case, other, you know, men and women, singles couples, people dating, people married, that's still the passion of ours. That's incredible. And we need more of that out there, because I think there are in this culture, at least, there are so many like lies being told to young people about dating, about, you know what? It's what it's for, why we should do it or why we shouldn't do it. I want to dive into that a little bit, because I think it's important. You know, dating has a weird, unique history. It it's changed, right? It's changed over the years. It used to be something more in line with courtship, and it was very like, supervised. And parents were involved in the family was involved, and it was all geared towards marriage. But now we live in this very fleeting culture of dating where it's, there's no commitment, really. It's just like trying things out. So talk to me a little bit about, from your perspective and your wisdom and your teaching, how you guys are training the younger generation when it comes to dating. So my personal story and Kristen's really, but I'll share from my perspective, is unique. And it's some people, really hate my story. And what I did when it came to dating and other people think it's really sweet. So it's, gained a lot of attention online just because some people think it's really unique. So when I was maybe like 12 or 13 years old, I came across a book and I don't even remember who it was. I think it was like some Christian female singer or someone who wrote a book, and she basically talked about how she was saving her first kiss for marriage, and I was super inspired by that. And I was like, oh my goodness, that's so cool. I want to do that. So when I was like 13 or 14, my parents, we did like the whole purity ring thing. And we were very much in that kind of like courtship. In some ways legalistic, world. But there were a lot of benefits that came from it. But one of my commitments was that I was going to save my first kiss for marriage. And I thought, like, of course I'll be married by like 19 or 20 or 21 at the latest. Like, because I desire marriage, I want to have a lot of kids. Of course, that would bless this desire. Like why wouldn't hear so good? And so as the years went on, I didn't date in high school. I was committed very much to like dating with intention, wanting to date with purpose. And I had my first boyfriend when I was 19 and I thought, oh my goodness, my life is so perfect. Like here, everything is coming together. And I just so naively assumed we would get married. So he broke up with me one day and just was like, we're going in two different directions. He was going in a less conservative direction. I was going a more conservative direction. And looking back, we were not a good fit. But I was so not even I just thought, what? How could this happen to me? So anyway, years go on and I'm like, wait a minute. Like I have all these kind of extreme convictions. I'm like, now in my later 20s and there are no options in sight. And, you know, it kind of that, that whole topic, I was talking about singleness, I was talking about my struggles with it. I was talking about dating. And there were a lot of people like, you know what? Like if you have these extreme convictions, like, that's probably why you're not married. You're you know, like you just need to loosen up a little, like, come on. And I just really felt convicted that this is a commitment I made, and it's something I wanted to stick to. And so I, I remember there was a guy who asked me out at church, you know, before I met, before I was with my husband and I knew him. We were friends. And like, right when he asked me out, I was like, you know, I'm like, a lot more conservative than maybe girls are used to dating. Like, I don't want to kiss till marriage. So, like, if that's not cool for you, like, let's just not even go on a date, you know, he was like, hey, I can roll with that, you know? So obviously a lot of guys were like very respectful of that and like very honoring of that. So long story short, I ended up meeting my well and my husband and I kind of knew each other, but we ended up getting together, like, officially in a relationship when I was 29. And then we got married when I was 30, and so we both of us, it was actually our first kiss to anyone, ever. He didn't necessarily make that commitment, but I was his first girlfriend and he is just I that's what I had chosen. So that's what we did. And the video of that I had posted around online, and that's kind of what has garnered some all sorts of opinions. But when I look back on that and I think about the modern state of dating now, and I just think of how, you know, it's just dating has kind of become this. It's just like another thing you do, you know, like everyone's online, everyone, you know, when you're 15, you get your first boyfriend or girlfriend. It's just like this casual thing. Not a lot of thought put into it. And then as you look forward and you see it just, you know, marriages aren't really thriving. A lot of couples are getting divorced. I'm just shocked when I see on social media, it seems like every single day these, you know, Christian couples, religious couples, they're posting like it just and not even for huge reasons. Just like, oh, our love. Like kind of withered. Oh, we just aren't really going in the same direction. I know we have five kids together and our youngest is two, but it's better for them if we go our separate. You know, you're just seeing all this and you're like, what is going on? And so in some ways I look back and I, I don't I don't want to, say, okay, there has to be this specific set of rules everyone needs to save their first kiss for marriage. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying I wonder if we would be a lot better off if maybe we brought some of that intentionality back into modern dating. I hear from so many women who one of their biggest complaints is they're saying men aren't willing to commit, men aren't, you know, like modern men. I will not say no. Yes, I am thinking about marriage. But three years into the relationship, they don't actually want to get married. And I think, you know, from a woman's perspective, I'm like, raise the bar like you have, you know, our rules of what you will and you will not do. In my opinion. I'm like, I would never date someone for three years with no marriage. And I'd be like, I've been out there, you know, six months. And so I just, I, I want to see, like a generation rise up. And I hope Gen Z the next generation, though, maybe like, get off the internet in some ways, like get offline off those dating apps, not allow that to become the norm and actually go and do the hard work of meeting someone, having a real face to face relationship, not just sliding into the DMs, but actually kind of like pulling back into what we used to do. You had to meet someone in person. There wasn't the option of online. And so in some ways I think it would be really healthy to pull some of those old fashioned values back into the modern world. And I think you would see men that are willing to rise up a little bit more and commit, and you would see women who are willing to hang on to their dignity and self respect and say, no, I don't have to. I don't have to give this or that away. I don't have to settle and say, oh, well, he's looking at porn. It doesn't really matter. I have this secret sexual addiction. Like everyone has that. Like, no, we can set the bar a little bit higher. And I think if we those that are listening right now say, yes, I'm going to take a step forward and have some boundaries or have some convictions. It can encourage the people around you as well. And so that's one of my hopes in in sharing my own story is to less of like, oh, you know, look how great it was or look how terribly legalistic it was. But just to say, like, hey, maybe we should have some old fashioned values. I think that could help. Kind of the predicament that we're in right now. Yeah, that's a lot of great wisdom. And there's something refreshing about kind of going back to the way it was. Right? I mean, there is some some holiness to that process where it was a little bit more conservative in the dating spaces. But, you know, you talked a lot about, you know, that in person kind of you got to get to know people. And I think, I think a lot of people are dating, you know, via apps and they're meeting people and having, you know, developing these friendships and relationships online and then meeting people in person, you know, months into it or weeks into it. How do we get to a place where people can get together? Because I, I'm finding, you know, I go and speak to churches and speak to young people quite a bit. I'm finding that young people just are not as connected in community as, say, some of the older generations where, you know, we didn't have technology. So what can we do to fix that? For sure? And, you know, when I was like probably 26, 27, at that point, online dating was a thing. And I have many friends who met their spouses online. I'm not saying it's all like we just all need to get offline. Like I think there's the balance and there can be a place for it. But from my own personal experience and from running a ministry where I have talked to thousands of women who want to be married, who are in that place for there's always exceptions, but a lot of them. It's scary to get out and put yourself out there. It's scary to go and try a new singles group. It's can be really intimidating to like, hey, I'm going to fly to this conference or I'm going to, you know, try this new young adults group or I'm going to attend a new church. Like, I remember talking to one young lady in particular and she was like, you know, I am still at the same church that I grew up. It's great. It's theologically sound, but there are literally only old people here, and I don't really feel passionate, like I need to be specifically at this church. I don't feel like I have to, I, I really think I could thrive in a church where they're all I would, you know, all age demographics. But she's like, that's just kind of intimidating. It's scary, you know, like you're meeting new people. And I think a lot of us find herself in that place. So remind to back to when I was like 26, 27. I remember feeling that exact same way, like, okay, is it online dating or nothing? Or is there still a possibility of meeting people in person? And so I made some drastic changes. I was like, you know, I might feel awkward doing some of this stuff. I might feel like uncomfortable putting myself out there. But I was like, you know, I am going to do my part and I'm really going to be praying and just trusting God that, you know, at the end of the day, I'm not like hiding in some, you know, under my bed or something like, oh God, just bring someone to my front door. Of course you can do miracles, but like, you know, where is my responsibility in this? So I just decided I, like, looked up in my city. I found a young adults Bible study fellowship group. I had never been to that before. I found, a young adults singles group at a really solid biblical church, and I found like 2 or 3 other things. They weren't all singles groups, but I was like, you know, there might there might be someone there who was like, has this vision. It's like a good Christian organization somewhere I can volunteer in. And so I was like, you know, this year I'm just going to start attending those places and really put myself out there. And I remember the first time I went to this singles group, it was in the back of this church, but it was meeting like in a house in the back, and it's like kind of awkward. You're driving up, you're like, I might even in the right place. And I remember walking in and the door was so squeaky. And so I open the door and I walk in and everyone's just kind of like staring at me. And I just was like, you know, I just have to really be my most extroverted self. I have to go up and meet people. I can't rely on others to come and like, you know, hold my hand like I'm an adult, for crying out loud. And so at that point, I just changed the way that I lived, and I stopped kind of, you know, just hoping that this miracle would happen in my life. And I just kind of put myself out there, did the hard things. And in talking to young people, I find that a lot of them singles aren't willing to kind of like, take that risk or put themselves out there. And I think social media has done a great disservice in that way, where we're like the most connected generation but most disconnected, like truly. And so I just want to challenge you if you're listening and you're single and you aren't like, you know, willing to to try that new group or you're not willing to, you know, drive across town to attend that service project, it's scary. It's hard. But I would just encourage you to be the one to make that step, be the one to make that effort. And also, when it comes to community, so many of us want to be the one to be invited. We want someone else to do the hard work, and then we want to just be able to kind of like come along, you know? And I realize, like, okay, if I'm going to sit around and wait for that to happen in my life, I might not have the community that I want. And there's no guarantee that any of us for sure will get married, like, statistically most. Well, but you know what? If God calls me to singleness, I just want to like, I want to still build community because we all need friendships. We all need good community around us. And so I just decided I was going to be the one to plan stuff. So I just started planning events. I started in certain singles groups. We'd have like online, you know, Facebook groups where you could like plan activities and stuff. I just started to be the one to put myself out there and start to plan those activities, and those are some of the best. Like I look back on my singleness and I'm like those days when I started to take more responsibility and kind of put myself out there, invite people to things. Those are some of the best days of like my single, my single years, like so amazing and just, you know, making the effort to show up when someone else planned something instead of being like, okay, I think I'll skip I'm tired whenever, you know, it's like, no, like, yeah, it was awkward sometimes. I remember walking up to certain groups and there were like five people there, and I'm like, I don't even know any of these people. I feel like really uncomfortable. I wish I had never called, you know, but to think like, no pushing through it and actually making the effort. So I would just challenge young people and singles to, to really put themselves out there and to make those hard efforts and to stop having excuses, because at the end of the day, whether you meet a spouse or not, the friendships you build, the community you build, it's like we were designed to walk in relationship with one another, the body of Christ. We need each other. And so no matter what, like having those in-person relationships is so crucial for your growth, for your health, for, like, your entire life. So it's not a waste either way. And if you end up meeting someone and meeting your spouse, that's amazing. But at the end of the day, I think it's so healthy for us. And I think singles need this more than ever. So it's a hard challenge. It's not easy and there are a lot of there are a lot of groups out there, like we can just be real. Like there are a lot of churches that have groups. There are a lot of service project. There are conferences that happen where there are young adult singles. So I just I think we in some ways need to stop making excuses and just kind of do the hard thing. Absolutely. Sometimes that first step is the hardest though. So for some of our listeners out there that are like, this sounds great, but it's really hard. You know, sometimes it's just as simple as one first step, maybe joining your your own churches group, small group, maybe it's not even a singles group. It's just the regular small group. It just, you know, get to know people and develop friendships. You know, I was online and I think it was on Instagram and somebody had a post where they were showing and, you know, the progression of how people meet their future spouses over time. Did you see that as well? It was amazing to me. It used to be your family and your friends and your church, and it is completely flipped around now. You know, we kind of need to go back to that because, you know, the people that love us and care about us and are part of our community are also going to be looking out for our best interest and know people. That would be great for us, whether in friendship or potentially courtship. So I just hope that maybe we can get back to a place where we lean into that well. And all right, on top of that, something that I really encourage, like the, you know, because our audience, at Girl Defined is primarily women Girl Defined. So that's kind of who we talk to. But just being vocal about it to to people you trust, to people you respect, married couples that, you know, saying, hey, I would really like to get married. If you think of anyone that you know, that you think might be a good fit for me, or that's just a godly person, would you be willing to maybe set us up on a date or invite us to an activity together? I just think that can be so helpful. I mean, personally, like, I it hasn't happened for a while because I feel like the longer I'm married, the less single people I know. So I have a one sister who's still single and she's like, come on, don't you have any, you know, don't you have any good options for me? I'm like, I'm trying. But I feel like my friends, even in my church, we don't have a lot of single people, so I do my best. But back in the day, I remember just like planning certain activities. And I was like, you know, I don't think this person and I would be a good fit, but this other girl I know, maybe her and him would be a good fit. And it's just it's so awesome to see, like actual people, like trying to bring others together. Not that they have to get married, but just giving them the opportunity to meet. So don't be embarrassed of, like vocalizing your desire to get married. Like that's a beautiful desire and expressing that to the people around you and just saying, hey, I am open to, you know, being set up or to being invited to an event that someone else is at. And I mean, I've seen multiple people get married that way. And, you know, you might just be one connection away from meeting a really godly person and just vocalizing that desire could actually kind of help you toward that goal. Well, let's pivot and talk a little bit about some of the challenges that, you know, while you're out there potentially looking to, date, you know, some of the things that women specifically are running into is, you know, most men, are viewing pornography. Barna stats from this year actually showed us, over 76% of men are viewing pornography on a regular basis of some regular frequency. So the dating pool is definitely being impacted by pornography. So talk to us a little bit about how to navigate that. I know you recently wrote a blog post about that topic, so share with us some of your wisdom in that space. Yeah, I mean, I take a pretty hardline stance on that, even though it's kind of depressing, but this is, something for myself. Like, I, I would not like if I found out, that someone I was dating was looking at porn, I would end the relationship. Not to say that that person couldn't find freedom, and it could work out eventually, but I just, you know, I don't think that when you're in dating and entrapped in such a sin, whether it's the man or the woman, that it's a good idea to continue the relationship. But it's hard when you hear these statistics and you're like, oh my goodness, literally everyone is looking at porn. What is going on? Like one, I want to say there are men that aren't, you know, like I know some and you know, and I'm married now, my husband and I, we had super honest conversations from the very beginning, and that can be awkward to do, you know, like if you're dating and you're like, that is not something I want to like, talk about or ask like, oh, that seems so deep. I would just recommend, like if you are dating someone, it doesn't have to be like on the first date, but I would really recommend maybe you're on like 2 or 3 dates and you're like, okay, I could I do like this person. Like actually I do think this might, you know, like we might actually go on a few more dates. I personally would recommend having some like immediate dealbreaker conversations at that point, because why go for six months a year down the road and then you find out like, oh my goodness, this person has all this stuff that they're going through. And now I'm like all emotionally involved and this is so difficult and so hard. And so I, you know, I would honestly recommend like date 2 or 3 if you feel like it's going well, to just have a super honest conversation and say, hey, this is really important to me, and I'm not asking this because I want to just like, keep a bunch of shame on you or like bring up something that you're struggling with. But I just need to know, if you are currently looking at pornography and if so, when is the last time that you looked at it? And just be very direct about the conversation and very direct and just, you know, if they're not willing to answer or they're not, they're like, oh my gosh, you're so crazy, blah, blah, blah. Like, well, it's probably a sign you just need to go your own way and you're not coming in as like God being like, I am the moral authority here. You're just saying, hey, you know, relationships really can't thrive when this is happening. And so this is something really important to me. But the hard part about that too, is that, like, I work with women all of the time, and our most popular topics I will define have to do with sexual struggles, sexual addiction, pornography, masturbation, addiction, things like that. And so it's really challenging because if you are looking for someone, whether you're a man or a woman, and you're saying, you know, I want someone who's walking in freedom of fighting for freedom or desiring that you have to turn the mirror around and say, am I that kind of person? Am I willing to bring this into the light? Am I willing to get the accountability? Am I willing to, get a mentor to help me walk through this? Am I willing to do the hard things, or do I only want that from this person? I want to keep all my secrets over here. And so I know statistically it's the, the, the main. You know, the man's problem. But so many women, like I'm telling you, I don't even think they're in the statistics because so many women, we will get emails, we will talk to them. They'll say, I've never told anyone this before. And that girl to find wi me or my sister will be the first ones that they will ever share that they've had this pornography addiction since they were 13, that they've been secretly struggling with whatever it is. And they want freedom, but because also of this kind of like stereotype that it should be more of a man's problem, they're not even speaking up, so they're not even a part of the statistics. And so that's why I want to challenge women to say, hey, like, you've got to bring this into the light, like you are a sexual being too. And if you would like a thriving relationship in the future, you can't just shove this under the rug and pretend like marriage is going to fix all of your problems because it doesn't like the person that you are before marriage will be the person that you are after marriage, and you might go through a honeymoon phase where you're like, oh my goodness, all my, my problems have gone away. Like, no, like sin doesn't just disappear like we have to repent of it. We have to grow and be sanctified. And so I just want to encourage you to take that seriously, whether you are a man or a woman. So have that honest conversation and have hope, knowing like God has not given up on people. God has not given up on men. He hasn't given up on women. We have a responsibility in this. But having hope and knowing like, okay, God can free people from this. God can provide a way. God can, you know, raise men up to, to change course. I mean, obviously Covenant Eyes, that's what y'all are doing. And it's amazing. And I know you have seen so many incredible like, like men and women who have been so sanctified and so just brought to freedom in this area. And God has, like completely redeemed them and changed their life, which is incredible. But I just my biggest thing is don't settle and assume that romance. And once we're married and having sex, like it'll fix all the problems. Like, no, it won't. Like if you look at marriages, if marriage and, getting married and having sex fixes all the problem, why are people having affairs? Why are people, you know, like running off on their spouses? Why are there so many divorces? Like, we have to look ahead and say, okay, that just getting married and having sex doesn't fix the problem. You know, like sin is sin. And unless we repent of it and go through biblical steps of bringing it into the light and seeking accountability and putting in measures that actually help us to walk in freedom, I think that's huge. I actually heard someone the other day and I can't remember who it was. But they said, you know, if you're a smoker and you want to stop smoking, there are a lot of tools you can use. But at the end of the day, you just have to not pick up the cigaret and put it in your mouth. And when it comes to pornography, there are a lot of tools we can use which can be so helpful. But at the end of the day, it's just that simple step of not clicking that button or not opening that browser. And so I just want us to also realize how powerful the Holy Spirit is, how powerful God is, and and to like, pray for our brothers in Christ, pray for our sisters in Christ, and and just pray that they would, that they would fall on their knees and that they would cry out to God and say, God, give me the strength to not click that button, to not do that. And then they would take those additional wisdom steps like we see in Proverbs, like we see in Scripture, you know, using Covenant Eyes or getting those accountability measures, whatever that looks like for each person, because there is hope. This isn't and this isn't a hopeless world. This isn't a well, everyone's just always going to be looking at porn. So that's just the way it is. I mean, I had someone who recently basically told me because I've talked about this online and people will get super mad when I talk about this. They'll say, are you kidding? That's such a high standard. Like, guys are just looking at porn. Like, are you serious? You're not going to like, I'm sorry, that's not going to fly in my marriage. You know, like, I'm not just going to it. Once you're married, there's that covenant, and I'm not going to be like, well, then look at porn. So my husband's over in the. But no. And I'm so grateful my husband isn't looking at porn, but that would not, like, fly with me, you know? And a married woman was telling me she was like, well, you know, it's just really hard if there's a season where maybe, you know, postpartum or there's traveling or whatever, and you're not able to like the intimate together, like you just need to be okay with your husband looking at porn because it's just the way that it is. And I'm like, why is the bar so low? Like, I don't see in Scripture about having this bar where it's like, well, life is really hard. You just give in to all your flesh, you know, it's like, we know we can battle this. We can fight for this. We can have higher standards. It's okay to to do that. So I just want to encourage you not to settle. And personally to fight for that freedom and to put the measures in place that can actually help you get there. Yeah, for sure. And I think a lot of people certainly might be offended with such a harsh stance on, you know, because, I mean, obviously there are so many people, men and women struggling with pornography that that disqualifies, you know, many people from maybe a certain person's dating pool for a while. I don't think that eliminates, though, the wanting to help our brothers and sisters. So, you know, I think it's important that we just call that out, that, you know, if you are entering into a potential dating relationship with someone and you do find out that there's a pornography struggle, really? I mean, you probably do need to pump the brakes on that because that person, you know, if they were struggling with, drug addiction or any other type of addiction, we would want to get them help first. We wouldn't just say, hey, let's go get married and try to fix it in the marriage, like you want to help them and get them healed and and walk alongside of them and help them. But at the same time, you know, a lot of people, we hear this all the time at Covenant Eyes. You know, they think getting married will solve the problem and unfortunately it doesn't. So I just, I want to make sure people, you know, see your heart with that too, because it really it really can be very dangerous. And we see that every single day here at Covenant Eyes. Yeah I know I'm sure y'all do. And I, I'm sure you see the, the, the fruit that comes though when you take a pause because it, you know if you're like oh well marriage is going to fix this or I'm just going to kind of date and work on this on the side. It would be amazing to say no, this is really serious. And I'm going to really, you know, humble myself and work on this, you know, and really that can be so, so hard. And it can feel so like embarrassing in some ways because, you know, the enemy likes to lie to us and like, so lead us and make us think we're the only ones. We're on this little island. No one else is struggling. It's just us, you know, especially if you're a woman. But, you know, instead of investing all this time in a relationship, that's not going to be in the healthiest place with these sexual addictions going on and pausing that and really just going like full speed after this, you know, after this struggle, after the pornography, whatever it is, and really, you know, really getting accountability, really getting like mentorship in your life, getting getting to the root causes of why, why this is happening and and getting the, the, biblical counseling and getting the accountability, making sure things like being involved in church, being involved, a small group, having godly men or godly women around you like that takes time and effort and putting those things in place before you continue on in a relationship. Because let's be real, relationships take time. And when you're so in love in the early days, it's like you just wanna be texting and talking all the time. And so using some of that energy, the majority of it towards, you know, battling this struggle, I think would be a much wiser use of time. Well, and you brought up mentorship and I know at Girl Defined do you guys offer mentorship courses. So let's talk a little bit about that. How do you guys walk alongside women and help them in this way? Yeah. So we have had Kristen and I who run girl to find we have had women over the years reach out to us and ask us to mentor them. And, you know, all the time in the world wouldn't allow for us to one on one mentor everyone. And so we do take one on one mentorship seriously. And that happens more in the context of our local church. And here in our city, we're able to meet with people, you know, physically, but we wanted to create resources and an opportunity for women. Like if we were like, this is what we would want to walk you through if we were to mentor you in person. Here's what it would look like. So we actually created an online mentorship course that is Kristen and I teaching and talking. We created an entire workbook. It's basically everything that we would want for ourselves and we want for other women. It goes into all of these sexual struggles and addictions and all of that. We have an entire week where we focus on that. It's it's pretty intense as far as like a mentorship goes. It's not just like, okay, we're going to read this like little Christian book and like, oh my goodness, God loves me at the end. You know, it's like, no, we're actually really digging in and going deep. And all of that is on our website girl to find.com. But we, you know, we know like right now if a woman sitting here and she's thinking for as a woman like me and I am struggling with pornography or I am struggling with a really unhealthy like masturbation problem, we actually created also individual PDF guides that address each of these issues, and those are our top sellers by far. They're instant downloadable. They're very cheap. You can go onto our website, GirlDefined.com, go to the shop and you can literally go like get this, these different guides and they're going to have tons of great resources. We obviously recommend Covenant Eyes and link to different posts you'll have and and just your resources and many of these, guides. But that would be a really helpful resource because you can you can. It's a great way to start. I think that everyone should, should seek an in-person mentorship or someone they can talk to on Zoom. Like, I just think that's absolutely amazing. But if you're like, man, I want something right now, I want to jump into something right now to really skyrocket this growth or to really, like, know how to dig into the word, to know how to navigate my relationship with God. These courses and ebooks and stuff that we offer at Girl Defined are going to be a great, just like instant first step. That's awesome. Yeah. And it sounds like it's a good course to if you're looking to maybe even get into mentorship, like how to become a good mentor. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Well, let's talk also because I think, if I'm not mistaken, you also offer some additional resources through your own personal website. I believe it's called The Intimate Wife. Is that correct? Yeah. So it's my name. The website is it's technically the Intimate wife, but it's BethanyBeal.com. So just my name is there the landing page? But yeah, I found that, you know, there are more and more women that are talking about when it comes to sex and intimacy and marriage. But I found within my own just community of kind of millennial Christian women, it was just hard to find, like, really, I mean, for better, like a word like explicit, almost like really direct advice. And there's so many women who are like, we waited till marriage and why is sex, sex just such a struggle? Like, why is this such a disappointment? Why is this so hard? Why? I just feel like I'm broken, you know? You know, you get you're like, yay, I made it almost. And then you're like, man, this kind of sucks, you know? And so I just looked around. I was like, you know, I know a ton of people. I have just God has blessed me with a ton of connections through Girl Defined over the years. And so I just decided to gather some of the best Christian voices and doctors and experts, really multiple doctors that come in and share and I interview them and we tackle all sorts of topics that Christian women specifically are wanting to know when it comes to sex and intimacy and marriage. So I created this kind of like master course called the Ultimate Sex Course for Christian Women. And at this point it has, I think like 12 or 13 in-depth sessions and in-depth workbook like some of the best voices in the Christian community that come and share. And it's, I think beyond thousands at this point of women have gone through it. And just the feedback of women saying, oh my goodness, like, I cannot believe that I didn't even understand this or I didn't know this. And we do dig into I brought doctor on and she talks about her own personal struggles with sexual addiction within her own marriage, you know, areas she was struggling and she talks because let's be real, you know, like we talked about, it doesn't go away when you get married. And sometimes new stuff pops up when you're married. And so it's this course is specifically designed for women. But I have had so many husbands who have purchased it for their wives and just said, hey, I think you could really benefit from this. The outcry was so huge, so I ended up creating a separate course for single women, and it is truly one of the best, like sexuality mentorship courses available for Christian women that I have ever seen. Like, I have never seen anything this in depth. And I look back and I'm like, I so wish I would have had this when I was single, because there can just be so much confusion, so many questions, even a lot of shame of just like, is this okay to have this desire or to feel this way, or for my body to do this like I don't know, you know, can feel really awkward. So I created a course like an in-depth sexuality mentorship course for single women. And then there's kind of an abbreviated one for really specifically preparing for the honeymoon. But I just want to encourage you, this is these are great courses to take to help you really gain a biblical worldview of what sex and intimacy and sexuality should even look like. So many of us, our perspectives are incredibly messed up because we pull from Hollywood, we pull from pornography, we pull from really unhealthy relationships, and we think, oh, I guess this is just normal. And so taking a step back and really being able to absorb all of this information from like such a godly, wise mentor who have spent their careers, you know, investing and counseling thousands of people and getting to like, sit there and learn from them is amazing. So no matter what stage of life you're in, if you're a woman, single, engaged, or married, there's a specific sexuality mentorship course for you. And that's all on BethanyBeal.com. That's awesome. We need more resources like that, honestly, because I think that's one thing you know, the church falls short in that area of talking about anything kind of related to sex. And certainly they're getting better at talking about those topics and pornography. But we you know, we have a lot of young women out there getting married and don't have all the answers. And Hollywood and culture are happy to fill in the blanks, which, you know, they provide a very bad look at what intimacy looks like so well. It's so crazy to me, too. How like so, so many people, they're like, it's hilarious. They're like, aren't you? Like, this is really bull. Like, I can't believe you're making these courses and like, offering this stuff. And I'm like, what do you what with Christian women doing? Just like, are we left to Google? Like, if we're not going to be like taught and helped by godly Christian people, what is the other option you just like invented in our brain, you know? So I just think it's this hilarious, like, I don't know, world where Christians are like, we're so under-equipped. And then a lot of them like, oh no, someone's talking about it, you know? And I think they're obviously like mature or wise, healthy ways to communicate. It doesn't have to be all just completely vulgar, you know? But, I just I'm so passionate about it. And so even, you know, people in my own family are like, oh, that's that's so embarrassing, you know? And I'm like, I don't care. Like, it doesn't embarrass me. And I think it's so needed. And I hear from enough women and, and, you know, even from my own experience that I'm like, this is this is something that's needed. And I don't, you know, if other people think I'm weird, that's okay, because I think the benefit is far more then and then. Absolutely. And you're right. I mean, people will just Google it or go out to culture to get answers. So and that's what our young people are doing, unfortunately. And that's how a lot of them get lured into pornography. And that's where they get their sexual education. So as Christians, I think we need to fight back. We need to provide good information. So thank you so much, Bethany. You know, as we bring today's episode to a close, I'd love to share how people can get in touch with you. I know you've said a few of the websites and places, but if you wouldn't mind just repeating those for our listeners and telling them about anything new that's on the horizon for you guys. Yeah, well, Kristin and I have six books that have released, and the one that probably be like super helpful for, you know, obviously for women specifically, but it's called Sex Purity, and the Longings of, of a Girl’s Heart. And it's just an amazing resource that would really help women take a deep dive in understanding what is God's good design for my sexuality. Sometimes it can feel like a curse. Sometimes it can feel like, oh am I just going to have to, like, suppress these longings forever. What do I do with this? And Sex Purity, and the Longings of, of a Girl’s Heart is just an incredible resource, whether you're single or married. It's one two. If you are a mentor or you're someone who maybe has some experience and you're like, hey, I've been married, or I feel confident that I could at least open a book and walk through this with other people. I would encourage you. Sex, Purity, and the Longings of, of a Girl’s Heart has a study guide at the end of each chapter, so you literally don't have to do anything. You could just invite a couple friends younger your same age and say, hey, let's read through this book together and you can be one of the ones to change the conversation. You can be one of the ones to say, hey, I know we all have questions. We all have struggles. Let's work on this together. And I have just seen like when women step out and do that so often, the response is so positive. And just like think you for doing this. I've had mom say like, okay, I decided to do this with my daughter. And she's like, I was feeling uncomfortable because I'm like, we haven't talked about this stuff, but the daughters are super open and like, oh yeah, this is I totally like I see that or we struggled with that in the moms. Like, this is great. But just, you know, she didn't feel confident enough to bring up the topic for herself. So our book is a great way to kind of take those awkward topics and, and basically be the middle guy so you don't have to bring them up. So I definitely recommend that you can get on audio, Amazon, all those places. And then for all of our like instant accessible sources or our mentorship course, go to girl to find.com. And then if you want the in-depth sexuality mentorship, marriage intimacy courses, those are all at BethanyBeal.com Awesome. All right. Well, we'll put all those links in our show notes. And I want to thank you for an amazing conversation, something that does not get talked and talked about enough around here, but I'm glad that you were able to share with our listeners your heart and your ministry, and thank you for what you do. Bethany. Absolutely. Thanks for having me on, Karen. Absolutely. To all of our listeners, thanks for tuning in to this episode of The Covenant Eyes Podcast. We'll see you next time. Be sure to share this episode far and wide and we'll see you again soon. Bye bye.