The Covenant Eyes Podcast

Belief Systems and Character Traits for a Successful Porn-Free Life, Special Guest Frank Rich.

January 28, 2022 Frank Rich Season 1 Episode 211
The Covenant Eyes Podcast
Belief Systems and Character Traits for a Successful Porn-Free Life, Special Guest Frank Rich.
Show Notes Transcript

Episode Summary

Today’s guest on the Covenant Eyes Podcast is Frank Rich is a former bodybuilder, entrepreneur, certified men's health & addiction coach, and host of The Super Human Life podcast. After living with and battling addiction, depression, and anxiety for almost 20 years, he is now on a mission to help men take back control of their lives through the power of faith and fitness.


Show notes:

Pornography is affecting close to 70% of Christian men and according to new Barna Research, 34% of practicing Christians are struggling with anxiety and depression. 33% are struggling with loneliness. Studies have been correlations on people who struggle with pornography and depression, loneliness. Knowing these facts, it is important the Church find ways to meet people where they are to help them overcome.  In today's episode, we are going to talk about how we can support our Christian men in addressing the elephant in the room. Join our in-house experts at Covenant Eyes, Karen Potter, Director of Church Outreach, and Sam Black, Director of Recovery Programs for an exciting show.

Key questions we will discuss in this episode:

  • After deciding to quit porn for good, what are the only 2 reasons someone would relapse?
  • What role does our nutrition & the foods we eat play in our porn addiction recovery?
  • How can someone develop the self-confidence to live a life free of pornography?


Free Resources:

The 7 Step Guide To Living Life Without Porn (free book) - www.thesevenstepguide.com

Try Covenant Eyes free for 30 days
Use promo code SUPERHUMAN in checkout on our website: www.Covenanteyes.com



Try Covenant Eyes for FREE today!
Use Promo Code: FreePodcast

00:00:18.060 --> 00:00:29.970
Karen Potter: Okay,  we'll go ahead and get started welcome everyone to the Covenant eyes church podcast i'm your host Karen potter director of church and ministry outreach for covenant eyes.

2
00:00:30.450 --> 00:00:47.160
Karen Potter: This podcast is specifically designed for pastors priests church leaders and anyone in the church that's interested in helping people overcome pornography we're super excited to have a very special guest with us today, frank rich is joining us how are you today frank.

3
00:00:47.700 --> 00:00:48.930
Frank Rich: i'm doing great Karen Thank you.

4
00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:59.550
Karen Potter: Good good good good, I also have my amazing co host everyone knows, Sam blacker director of educational outreach here covenant eyes, are you Sam.

5
00:01:00.030 --> 00:01:04.500
Sam Black: Great Karen thanks for that wow what an amazing introduction there just like.

6
00:01:06.570 --> 00:01:16.260
Sam Black: Maybe i'll get the nose a couple of most of the folks that are listening to that be that'd be awesome send us send us a note as your as you're listening to this.

7
00:01:18.060 --> 00:01:25.770
Karen Potter: Absolutely, make sure you do subscribe to our podcast channel as well we love having you guys join us every single week so.

8
00:01:26.430 --> 00:01:35.880
Karen Potter: let's go ahead and just jump right in today we've got kind of an exciting topic so Sam do you want to introduce the topic and just kind of give an introduction to frank as well.

9
00:01:37.290 --> 00:01:49.980
Sam Black: yeah so frank it's really cool to have you on here you've done a lot of cool stuff and training and instruction and teaching and helping you've helped bodybuilders train you've helped all kinds think you are.

10
00:01:51.210 --> 00:02:01.110
Sam Black: So we're talking about bully you with belief systems and character traits for successful porn free life and frank, you are a for bodybuilder.

11
00:02:01.980 --> 00:02:11.760
Sam Black: An awesome entrepreneur you're involved in a lot of things you're certified men's health and addiction coach and the host of a superhuman life podcast.

12
00:02:14.700 --> 00:02:17.370
Sam Black: The Tony tell me a little bit about the podcast.

13
00:02:17.970 --> 00:02:25.140
Frank Rich: yeah great um no, thank you, thank you so much, Sam will we actually recently had on one of your fellow.

14
00:02:26.220 --> 00:02:30.420
Frank Rich: I guess staff members that come in as I didn't know at the time, Chris McKenna who.

15
00:02:30.810 --> 00:02:34.500
Frank Rich: works in your head of marketing department, he also runs the organization.

16
00:02:35.460 --> 00:02:46.290
Frank Rich: protecting young eyes, but the podcast you know it really started this entire journey that i've been on here for the last couple of years, so you know I found Christ in in the end of.

17
00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:58.710
Frank Rich: very fortunate to you know be saved and just you know I don't know if we'll get into that story, but it really kind of you know, turn my life around you know, like like you said i've been an entrepreneur for about 10 years or so.

18
00:02:59.430 --> 00:03:05.910
Frank Rich: You know, always chasing success always chasing that next milestone, whether it was in the physical side of things bodybuilding or building businesses.

19
00:03:06.510 --> 00:03:16.080
Frank Rich: But at the same time I struggled with you know a lot of compulsive addictions or behaviors and and when I got around the right type of people in men, which i'm very passionate about you know.

20
00:03:17.010 --> 00:03:22.980
Frank Rich: mentoring and kind of be an example to men, because I know what having examples in my life have been.

21
00:03:24.030 --> 00:03:31.170
Frank Rich: I began to see the world completely different and as somebody that had been chasing performance chasing personal development, for a really long time.

22
00:03:31.440 --> 00:03:38.070
Frank Rich: I kind of had this Aha moment where, if I had been studying all these philosophies all these success principles when I was still struggling.

23
00:03:38.340 --> 00:03:45.240
Frank Rich: With some of these compulsive behaviors What about the guys that don't have my background so really when I started the podcast in July of 2019.

24
00:03:45.450 --> 00:03:53.220
Frank Rich: I just wanted to put kind of my story and be like hey This is where i'm coming from you know I don't have all the answers it really was a way for me to kind of talk about some of the things that i'd gone through.

25
00:03:54.000 --> 00:04:00.330
Frank Rich: And it's it's really grown over the last couple years now, where it's not so much more about just my story and in.

26
00:04:00.420 --> 00:04:01.860
Frank Rich: in overcoming addiction.

27
00:04:02.040 --> 00:04:11.700
Frank Rich: we've kind of expanded out to really make it a podcast for men to to to find breakthroughs in their life, but what I like to say is we help men become the men that they were created.

28
00:04:12.090 --> 00:04:22.560
Frank Rich: To be so you know we interview leading experts in the you know the field of neuroscience we've had multiple pastors on talking, you know the spiritual side side of things we've had best selling authors we've had super bowl champions.

29
00:04:23.070 --> 00:04:35.190
Frank Rich: it's really been an amazing journey that has been on in you know out out of the podcast has come, you know my coaching company now, which is rebuild recovery which is more centered around the addiction side of things and it's just been an amazing.

30
00:04:36.390 --> 00:04:41.850
Frank Rich: thing to be a part of, and you know really excited about you know the next couple years of what we're going to be able to do.

31
00:04:42.930 --> 00:04:48.570
Karen Potter: I think what I love is you really tackled this with a holistic approach, I really I really appreciate that.

32
00:04:49.470 --> 00:04:53.490
Karen Potter: You know let's talk a little bit because you know one thing I think a lot of our.

33
00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:58.230
Karen Potter: listeners and pastors who are helping people go through that recovery journey.

34
00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:05.250
Karen Potter: Probably don't address enough, is that physical that nutrition aspect of our healing journey like.

35
00:05:05.490 --> 00:05:11.070
Karen Potter: You know, we can get into some great recovery programs, but if we're not taking care of our body and feeding it.

36
00:05:11.340 --> 00:05:20.820
Karen Potter: healthy foods and making sure that we're getting the right nutrients, a lot of things can go wrong, but tell us a little bit how you incorporate that into your recovery journey and your coaching that you do with men.

37
00:05:21.390 --> 00:05:33.960
Frank Rich: yeah absolutely great question Karen and I think one of the first ways that we utilize nutrition inside of the program is by using fasting both short term so intermittent fasting.

38
00:05:34.710 --> 00:05:45.000
Frank Rich: But then, in the early you know the early couple weeks we actually you know prescribe a a two day a two day fast and when we you know when we look at I guess my you know my.

39
00:05:45.720 --> 00:05:53.880
Frank Rich: philosophy on on fasting you know here here, here we are in the you know we're in 2022 as probably the airing time to this area.

40
00:05:54.180 --> 00:06:00.060
Frank Rich: Like we can get food anytime we want you can push a button and you know food will show up 30 minutes you know at your House so.

41
00:06:00.540 --> 00:06:04.710
Frank Rich: Most people don't know what it's like to deny themselves from food.

42
00:06:05.460 --> 00:06:12.900
Frank Rich: So I think that there's a big lesson that we can learn when we have to go through a 48 hour fast is you're going to get to that point by the end of day one.

43
00:06:13.110 --> 00:06:18.780
Frank Rich: Where you're going to get these feelings of hunger, like in a lot of these are false signals, these are false triggers.

44
00:06:19.020 --> 00:06:25.740
Frank Rich: From your brain, because when you look at the science and when you look at the way that the brain fires through dopa mean it's very similar response we.

45
00:06:26.130 --> 00:06:32.490
Frank Rich: know from food like artificial sweeteners high fructose corn syrup sugar like it triggers the brain in a very similar way.

46
00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:37.980
Frank Rich: As as as pornography does and a lot of our work is centered around the neuroscience side of things.

47
00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:42.870
Frank Rich: And I think when you can learn to deny yourself food in the first day because you're going to get to that point where you're like.

48
00:06:43.050 --> 00:06:54.270
Frank Rich: you're going to be hungry not radically hungry we're going to want to chew your arm off, but you got to kind of sit in a little bit of pain and discomfort but what you'll quickly realize is in that first you know half hour an hour of just sitting in.

49
00:06:54.540 --> 00:06:55.830
Frank Rich: The discomfort of fasting.

50
00:06:56.160 --> 00:07:03.990
Frank Rich: quickly that that feeling of hunger is going to go away and many times it's a false signal it's it's your brain is telling you like you're supposed to eat right now, because that's how you condition.

51
00:07:04.200 --> 00:07:09.240
Frank Rich: yourself to eat, so what our men realize is by going through this fast early on in the Program.

52
00:07:09.540 --> 00:07:18.090
Frank Rich: They can now leverage that same feeling in the same willpower and discipline that they were able to use to deny the food to them to deny himself the triggers.

53
00:07:18.390 --> 00:07:27.420
Frank Rich: With pornography so that's that's one reason why we use it, secondly, like I said, you know, the way that the brain responds to a lot of these artificial sweeteners and a lot of the you know the.

54
00:07:28.440 --> 00:07:36.270
Frank Rich: The sugar in the high fructose corn syrup it triggers the same dope immune response so one of our big proponents is a whole food meat based.

55
00:07:36.540 --> 00:07:45.120
Frank Rich: diet, I want you guys I want the men to eliminate as much processed food and sugar out of their diet, at least for the course of our time together inside of our Program.

56
00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:52.110
Frank Rich: Now what many of them will realize it because we prescribe them a training plan we give them supplementation nutrition their sleep improves their overall well being improves.

57
00:07:52.440 --> 00:07:59.490
Frank Rich: Just their energy throughout the day improve so a lot of the men stay in this type of meal plan, but I think it's a it's a tool that we can use.

58
00:07:59.760 --> 00:08:09.330
Frank Rich: And like you said you know the addiction is living in this body like like we have to separate you know the soul spirit and then the physical body so for struggling from a physical standpoint.

59
00:08:09.540 --> 00:08:14.730
Frank Rich: With an addiction well let's treat the body let's make our body healthy through training through proper sleep.

60
00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:22.590
Frank Rich: Through nutrition supplementation and all these things like I said at the beginning, you know i've been studying human performance, for the past 15 years I would be.

61
00:08:22.920 --> 00:08:30.780
Frank Rich: discredit to the to the men that i'm helping and serving if I didn't incorporate you know, an area of expertise that i've spent a lifetime in developing.

62
00:08:32.400 --> 00:08:33.930
Karen Potter: With awesome Thank you so much.

63
00:08:34.800 --> 00:08:49.560
Sam Black: So men you just rattled off like the the number, the number of triggers that impact us physically and and and in doing so that that is directed toward how we think so.

64
00:08:51.720 --> 00:09:11.250
Sam Black: you're talking about learning to deny yourself taking every thought captive, these are all very spiritual focus things and you're saying take the time to learn to fast, so you can learn to take every thought captive just expand on that for me for just a just a minute.

65
00:09:11.730 --> 00:09:12.930
Frank Rich: yeah absolutely I mean.

66
00:09:12.990 --> 00:09:14.460
Frank Rich: You you hit it right on the head there you.

67
00:09:14.460 --> 00:09:21.000
Frank Rich: know everything that I just shared in you know our entire curriculum is is is is is biblically centered you know I.

68
00:09:21.780 --> 00:09:25.110
Frank Rich: i'm a Christian, I know, obviously we're speaking speaking to that audience so.

69
00:09:26.070 --> 00:09:35.430
Frank Rich: 100% you know there's there's truth in in what i'm sharing here, so I didn't even talk about the spiritual side of things that's another part that we have inside of our program is.

70
00:09:35.880 --> 00:09:42.750
Frank Rich: The scripture study the weekly pair we prescribe a prayer to you know, based upon our intention for that week and.

71
00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:49.890
Frank Rich: At the time of the fast what we help our guys do what's right in that week to when they go through that 48 hour fast, this is where they create the vision.

72
00:09:50.160 --> 00:09:59.670
Frank Rich: For their life without pornography, and I believe that we want to be connected spiritually with with God, we want to be connected spiritually with our creative when we're mapping out the vision.

73
00:09:59.970 --> 00:10:06.330
Frank Rich: For our life and there's one other thing that I didn't talk about on the nutrition side of things kind of from a scientific perspective.

74
00:10:06.780 --> 00:10:15.180
Frank Rich: So our body has two different energy states there's there's what's known as as glucose or utilizing stored sugar energy or you have a state of ketosis.

75
00:10:15.390 --> 00:10:18.330
Frank Rich: Most people are probably familiar they've heard something about the ketogenic.

76
00:10:18.570 --> 00:10:28.710
Frank Rich: diet, before all this means is that your body is utilizing fat for its energy source vs carbohydrates, most people know a carbohydrate pump like if you go to the gym you FLEX like you kind of get that feeling like in.

77
00:10:29.190 --> 00:10:36.690
Frank Rich: In your muscles ketosis or utilizing ketones for energy that's where your brain wants to operate from its preferred energy state.

78
00:10:36.930 --> 00:10:43.530
Frank Rich: So by by utilizing fasting and by utilising intermittent fasting and long term fasting will actually force our guys to get into a state of.

79
00:10:43.860 --> 00:10:53.610
Frank Rich: ketosis so it's an improved Center mental clarity it's an approved, you know sense of a focus as they're beginning to kind of map out the vision for what they want to do over the course of the four months in our Program.

80
00:10:54.990 --> 00:11:06.570
Karen Potter: that's awesome and actually as someone that has actually utilize the the keto lifestyle i'm a big believer in that I think you're right, I mean getting that mental clarity and that focus really helps us.

81
00:11:06.870 --> 00:11:23.400
Karen Potter: In our journey so that's really great information and I love how you're tapping into all those different angles, so a question I have for you so after deciding to quit porn for good what are a few good reason someone not good reasons, but what are some reasons that people might relapse.

82
00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:33.120
Frank Rich: yeah i'm really glad you caught yourself there because I wouldn't say that there is a good reason why somebody would would relapse you know Karen I love this question, and this has really been.

83
00:11:33.630 --> 00:11:40.470
Frank Rich: The single biggest problem that i've been trying to solve for for really this entire year you know, when I look back at at my journey it's like.

84
00:11:41.100 --> 00:11:49.830
Frank Rich: You know I made a decision on February 14 2019 that I was done, I was fed up with the lies, I was fed up with the behavior and I was going to move past it.

85
00:11:50.220 --> 00:11:53.910
Frank Rich: And I never looked back it's like I made a decision and I flipped a switch.

86
00:11:54.240 --> 00:12:01.590
Frank Rich: And yeah i'm not saying that there weren't struggles and there were challenges, but I didn't experience a lot of the same things that when I talk with men on a regular basis.

87
00:12:01.830 --> 00:12:12.660
Frank Rich: are going through, so I expect this entire year figuring out do working with over 200 men in our program by having over 1800 men, you know join other programs that we have so it's like.

88
00:12:14.100 --> 00:12:17.100
Frank Rich: What is it that would make a guy not.

89
00:12:18.630 --> 00:12:26.820
Frank Rich: quit or What would it that would keep a person relaxing and I think I narrowed it down to one of two things once you make the decision once you.

90
00:12:27.210 --> 00:12:32.910
Frank Rich: identify a that there's a problem in my life and i'm committed to changing and you recruit some help whether it's.

91
00:12:33.180 --> 00:12:42.210
Frank Rich: Joining covenant eyes getting accountability software reading the books getting a mentor getting a coach seeking therapy hiring a pass whatever it is once you've started down this journey.

92
00:12:42.510 --> 00:12:49.890
Frank Rich: The only reason, this is my belief, the only reason why a guy would fail is he's lacking the character traits to do the things necessary.

93
00:12:50.220 --> 00:12:57.960
Frank Rich: to live a porn free life or he doesn't possess the belief system in himself and i'll speak to the belief system first and then i'll tackle the character traits.

94
00:12:58.230 --> 00:13:07.380
Frank Rich: The belief system operates at a subconscious level, most of us that have tried or are trying this have failed before we've we've gone through the forums we've.

95
00:13:08.250 --> 00:13:15.750
Frank Rich: Put accountability software we've talked with other people we've tried and failed tried and failed tried and failed so even starting again there's this underlying limiting belief.

96
00:13:15.930 --> 00:13:19.770
Frank Rich: That we're not going to do it, and if you don't believe that you're going to succeed, from the beginning.

97
00:13:19.950 --> 00:13:27.870
Frank Rich: you're never going to succeed, and this is not just with porn, this is a success principle for anything in life, if you don't believe that you can build a body and be a bodybuilder.

98
00:13:28.020 --> 00:13:34.290
Frank Rich: You will never be a successful bodybuilder if you don't believe that you can be an entrepreneur and have a successful company, you will never succeed in building a.

99
00:13:34.500 --> 00:13:42.090
Frank Rich: Company, if you don't believe that you can live a life without pornography, at some point, your subconscious is going to take over the trigger is going to be too strong, for you.

100
00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:47.520
Frank Rich: Your body your flesh is not going to be strong enough to fight through it and subconsciously you're in a given to those temptations.

101
00:13:47.700 --> 00:13:53.730
Frank Rich: So the first reason why I believe that guy would fail is just a lack of the belief in and of themselves Secondly, would be the character traits.

102
00:13:54.030 --> 00:13:59.700
Frank Rich: And this is not a knock at anybody in and I always want to preface that because I think when people hear me say you don't possess a character traits.

103
00:13:59.880 --> 00:14:05.730
Frank Rich: they're like i'm telling you that you're a bad person, but character traits are not something that you're born with there's something that has developed over time.

104
00:14:05.970 --> 00:14:13.620
Frank Rich: Discipline willpower integrity honor all of these character traits that I believe we need to possess are things that we have to take action in developing.

105
00:14:14.040 --> 00:14:24.000
Frank Rich: In our life, and if you don't possess discipline, then chances are that you're going to give in to the temptation when it's got a late night you've had a super long day your stress wife rejected you Whatever the case may be.

106
00:14:24.270 --> 00:14:33.780
Frank Rich: You don't possess certain character traits, you will get into the temptation so Karen answer your question, I believe that a guy is only going to fail for one of two reasons, the lack of belief in and of themselves.

107
00:14:34.200 --> 00:14:37.200
Frank Rich: And then the lack of character traits and we can help you accomplish both of those.

108
00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:42.150
Karen Potter: something interesting i'm sorry Sam go right ahead.

109
00:14:42.870 --> 00:14:48.990
Sam Black: Sometimes we have belief systems that are in conflict with each other right we believe.

110
00:14:50.490 --> 00:14:53.490
Sam Black: That we can change through Christ.

111
00:14:55.050 --> 00:15:12.420
Sam Black: That we but at the same time, we have these bull faulty belief systems and those in those faulty belief systems are often in conflict with what we say we believe so here's part of what we say we believe, and then we have this conflict that comes in, from.

112
00:15:13.650 --> 00:15:30.210
Sam Black: below the surface belief systems that aren't true and in one thing is true about pornography addiction and those behaviors that we believe a lot of lies right, we believe that God there i've heard how many times have you heard guys said, well, maybe God made me this way.

113
00:15:31.350 --> 00:15:40.770
Sam Black: That I was meant to have these cravings or that I was meant evolution, be this way and so, why was meant the room to savannah.

114
00:15:41.670 --> 00:15:52.620
Sam Black: And and meet with as many as possible, so that's that's just kind of the evolutionary process, and these belief systems get in contrast with what is true.

115
00:15:53.040 --> 00:16:02.430
Sam Black: And what is what is right, what the Bible teaches we say we believe what God has instructed us do we say we believe, I believe we can overcome this.

116
00:16:02.940 --> 00:16:13.320
Sam Black: But then, as we're trucking along we've got these underlying belief systems that you know when i'm having anxiety or frustration or pain, or that i'm thinking about.

117
00:16:14.340 --> 00:16:21.090
Sam Black: pornography is my easy way out that's what I truly believe so, how do you get those belief systems.

118
00:16:22.350 --> 00:16:39.960
Sam Black: That are underlying that we don't really pay attention to that we see, we believe, one thing that we have these lies underneath that we sometimes believe, how do we make those belief systems conform to an overall belief, yes, this is where i'm going next.

119
00:16:41.010 --> 00:16:45.630
Frank Rich: yeah that's a great question Sam I believe beliefs are found in actions not saying.

120
00:16:46.110 --> 00:16:54.060
Frank Rich: So we can say anything you potentially want, but if i've watched you for 24 hours a day how you live out your life your belief systems will reveal themselves to me.

121
00:16:54.930 --> 00:17:02.310
Frank Rich: So that would probably be the first thing that we could we could look at is like actually let's look at your your day let's do a complete audit.

122
00:17:02.580 --> 00:17:08.880
Frank Rich: On what you're doing throughout the day and where's there a misalignment of what you're saying and what you're actually doing.

123
00:17:09.120 --> 00:17:15.450
Frank Rich: Because a man that lives in true integrity and minute lives in true alignment the things that he says that come out of his mouth match the actions.

124
00:17:15.660 --> 00:17:21.060
Frank Rich: That you take, so I would, I would say, we got it we got to look at exactly what it is you're you're doing and where.

125
00:17:21.360 --> 00:17:29.430
Frank Rich: Are your actions, not in line with what you believe to be telling yourself but yeah I think I think our beliefs are found interactions not in not in what we're saying.

126
00:17:29.730 --> 00:17:38.520
Frank Rich: But I think in your example there it maybe wasn't so much about a belief, it was more about the character traits in the one example, that you gave it's like I believe you know.

127
00:17:39.150 --> 00:17:44.400
Frank Rich: In in Christ, I believe that I had the power, but when I get stressed when I get anxious, then the easy route for me to.

128
00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:54.720
Frank Rich: go around is to look at pornography so that's a lack of discipline and willpower not knowing what you want, most if you truly wanted to live a porn free life to truly wanted to overcome these issues.

129
00:17:55.050 --> 00:17:59.490
Frank Rich: than it would require certain disciplines are certain character traits so there's a there's.

130
00:18:00.510 --> 00:18:05.640
Frank Rich: I think you're kind of we're addressing both of them, but in beliefs, I think our beliefs are found interactions not in our words.

131
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:12.210
Karen Potter: that's great um you know, one of the things that I think is really interesting is that.

132
00:18:12.570 --> 00:18:20.880
Karen Potter: When we're struggling with addictions it's sometimes can impact, how we view ourselves kind of that self image and it also impacts our competence and so.

133
00:18:21.270 --> 00:18:32.520
Karen Potter: I know that can be a very vicious cycle, do you do you have any insight into that or how that can really impact and how strengthening competence levels might actually help people live porn free.

134
00:18:33.510 --> 00:18:34.080
Karen Potter: Absolutely.

135
00:18:34.200 --> 00:18:36.810
Frank Rich: You know, teaching and talking about self confidence is one of the.

136
00:18:36.810 --> 00:18:41.790
Frank Rich: Things that I enjoy more more than anything is I think it's closely tied to to those belief systems.

137
00:18:42.090 --> 00:18:48.930
Frank Rich: And this is something that I got from from a mentor of mine, I believe self confidence is built in kept my keeping the promises you make to yourself.

138
00:18:49.170 --> 00:18:58.860
Frank Rich: If you're struggling with your confidence in a certain area look at once again your actions you know i'm going to take it all back to what it is we're doing our actions align with what we're saying, if we want something.

139
00:18:59.220 --> 00:19:07.470
Frank Rich: Really really bad and we set out on this plane, but every time we say we're going to do it, we let ourselves down, I think one of the greatest examples that I use is the alarm clock.

140
00:19:07.890 --> 00:19:16.800
Frank Rich: Like how many men that are struggling with pornography hit snooze in the morning once, twice, three, four times our men don't hit snooze I haven't hit snooze in five.

141
00:19:17.160 --> 00:19:25.380
Frank Rich: Years, because if we believe that self confidence is built in kept by keeping the promises you make yourself what's the first promise that you make yourself every single day.

142
00:19:26.070 --> 00:19:34.110
Frank Rich: What time you're going to wake up you set the alarm, whether you set the alarm because there's an external circumstance like I got to be to work at this time, you still chose.

143
00:19:34.380 --> 00:19:41.070
Frank Rich: To set the alarm, so you made that promise, and when you hit snooze it's a knock to your confidence at a subconscious level.

144
00:19:41.490 --> 00:19:46.260
Frank Rich: That Sam doesn't do the things that he says you're going to do a frank doesn't do the things that he says he's going to do so, why.

145
00:19:46.890 --> 00:19:54.390
Frank Rich: If that is how i'm starting my day, why would when the trigger comes at 10 o'clock at night after a long stressful day and I know what i'm supposed to do.

146
00:19:54.660 --> 00:20:03.120
Frank Rich: But my subconscious is operating at this level, well, like you, don't really do the things you say you're going to do anyways, so I think self confidence is one of the quickest things that we can develop by making a plan.

147
00:20:03.660 --> 00:20:17.640
Frank Rich: By keeping our promises in by stacking wins so wake up when the alarm clock goes off wake up make your bed acknowledge yourself for doing things have a prayer practice have a meditation practice have a gratitude practice there's a lot of little things that you can do.

148
00:20:18.750 --> 00:20:24.030
Karen Potter: that's great I really like that a lot that's why I do not set my alarm clock in the morning, that way i'm not held accountable to that.

149
00:20:25.020 --> 00:20:31.920
Karen Potter: No, no action actuality I love that and that principle is applicable in so many areas of our lives, I mean when we go to work each day you know.

150
00:20:32.250 --> 00:20:41.220
Karen Potter: Those showing up to meetings on time that you know that is living up to our promises to our employer, you know when we go to the gym and we make it there every day, even though we don't want to.

151
00:20:41.490 --> 00:20:53.370
Karen Potter: that's living up to those promises that maybe we made to ourselves there to our partners on so yeah I love that principle and I think that's really great on Sam I think you may have another question sorry I didn't mean to cut you off there.

152
00:20:53.730 --> 00:20:56.010
Sam Black: Remember the order that's good that's good stuff you know.

153
00:20:57.060 --> 00:20:59.940
Sam Black: Franco read your seven step guide.

154
00:21:01.260 --> 00:21:09.750
Sam Black: And, and I love to say that if you don't know where you're going any road will get you there right we've all heard that saying.

155
00:21:10.290 --> 00:21:26.910
Sam Black: But when we have guardrails and we have a path to follow, then we know the next post to get to and you really described that a lot of this like how you're going to get from point A to Point B to point C to point D and you have a path to follow.

156
00:21:28.080 --> 00:21:33.000
Sam Black: Tell us just give us just a quick overview of the seven step guide.

157
00:21:35.700 --> 00:21:44.640
Frank Rich: yeah that's great i'm gonna see if I can remember all seven here off off the top of my head I think there's identifying knowledge that there's a problem in in in commit to change.

158
00:21:45.360 --> 00:21:55.830
Frank Rich: recruit some type of accountability fast for 48 hours, make a plan or make a vision, create a vision for your life without pornography, make a plan to bring that vision to life.

159
00:21:58.740 --> 00:22:01.230
Frank Rich: execute the plan and then belief, and I think I might have.

160
00:22:01.260 --> 00:22:03.630
Frank Rich: might have butcher those but right like.

161
00:22:04.380 --> 00:22:07.050
Frank Rich: I could talk about the the planning thing.

162
00:22:11.910 --> 00:22:21.690
Frank Rich: So I think one of the biggest challenges with with thrive, not one of the biggest challenge, but one of the biggest negative side effects is how it impacts in hijacks our reward Center you know this this buzzword.

163
00:22:21.930 --> 00:22:29.340
Frank Rich: That is everybody talks about dope mean when you understand how the dopamine system works so dope mean is a neuro modulator it's a chemical that is released.

164
00:22:29.580 --> 00:22:37.740
Frank Rich: When you're in the pursuit or taking action towards a goal that you've created So yes, it's important for us to have a plan and guardrails so we know where we're going.

165
00:22:38.010 --> 00:22:46.410
Frank Rich: But from a neuroscientific level from a biological standpoint of reworking and literally rebooting our brain in our in our reward system if we make a plan.

166
00:22:46.710 --> 00:22:51.810
Frank Rich: of creating a life without pornography every day when we wake up and we take small steps.

167
00:22:52.140 --> 00:23:00.810
Frank Rich: towards that plan our brain is going to drip out doping me because dopamine is released when we're in the pursuit so it's much more important than just having guardrails up.

168
00:23:01.050 --> 00:23:08.820
Frank Rich: Because our goal is to reboot rewire our reward system, I just don't want you to go 90 days without pornography not change anything about the chemistry of your brain.

169
00:23:09.030 --> 00:23:15.450
Frank Rich: We can change the neuro chemistry of our brain and reset that reward system to where you're not only getting those hits have built mean from pornography.

170
00:23:15.630 --> 00:23:30.540
Frank Rich: But you're getting them from the actual places of where they're supposed to get them in life, which is pursuing goals pursuing meaningful passions in your life so that's why we really Center our our entire curriculum around creating a plan for your life without pornography.

171
00:23:31.110 --> 00:23:40.830
Sam Black: yeah and one things you do there that I that I always encourage guys I mentor is a 90 day plan it's your first 90 days, because.

172
00:23:41.880 --> 00:23:53.880
Sam Black: I was speaking to a man, he was in his 40s and he said, Sam when I got the day three or realized, it was the first time i've gone three days without food pornography, since I was a teenager.

173
00:23:55.200 --> 00:24:07.050
Sam Black: So, having a plan in place that 90 days seems can see maybe 90 days to pastor listening sounds like what you just need to try to get the 90 days of not viewing pornography.

174
00:24:08.070 --> 00:24:15.240
Sam Black: But for many men and women were struggling that first 90 days seems like a mountain to climb and.

175
00:24:16.680 --> 00:24:26.040
Sam Black: i'm one of the things that you've done in that opening part of the seven step guide is you brought up a little bit of the 12 steps in.

176
00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:39.630
Sam Black: admitting that you have a problem, and in step two of the 12 step program is I came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity that.

177
00:24:40.470 --> 00:24:49.080
Sam Black: And we'd like to say I like to augment that like we came to believe that Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit can change our lives, and when we lean.

178
00:24:49.680 --> 00:25:04.920
Sam Black: There we find a whole new power, how are you and I know your your spiritual walk is very important, your walk with Christ, is very important, how do you begin helping guys integrate that in through your Program.

179
00:25:06.090 --> 00:25:07.350
Frank Rich: that's a great question Sam.

180
00:25:09.660 --> 00:25:13.770
Frank Rich: My walk with Christ is is the most important thing that you know.

181
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:21.900
Frank Rich: That I have and and I think, with everything that i've done, you know, through the podcast through our you know, through a media company with.

182
00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:32.160
Frank Rich: All the videos that were that we're creating and through the coaching and everything the greatest reward that I get is when I when I bring him in a either back to Christ because he's he's.

183
00:25:32.190 --> 00:25:33.330
Sam Black: You know he's lost his.

184
00:25:33.480 --> 00:25:35.010
Frank Rich: His relationship or when we.

185
00:25:35.130 --> 00:25:42.300
Frank Rich: help them find Christ for for the first time, but I was very strategic in the way that we we we set up the company.

186
00:25:42.660 --> 00:25:54.390
Frank Rich: I know we have a lot of pastors and you know church church, you know, employees and staff listening here I didn't want to win it created the company I didn't want to pigeon ourselves into you know that kind of church.

187
00:25:55.260 --> 00:26:03.510
Frank Rich: Community like not to knock anybody on on this call, but let's let's call it what it is like the Church has somewhat failed like when you look at the statistics.

188
00:26:03.750 --> 00:26:06.720
Frank Rich: Like there's 70 to 80% of men that are actually involved in the Church.

189
00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:12.270
Frank Rich: they're still struggling with this, so if I if I took the route of saying we're just another organization that's following these principles.

190
00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:15.540
Frank Rich: Then it probably would have got looked over so I believe one of the greatest things that I have.

191
00:26:15.900 --> 00:26:31.380
Frank Rich: Is the fact that we are kind of you know, in a secular ish you know type of structure, but if you listen to to what I say, if you listen to our core principle of what our company is we help men quit porn and become the men that they were created to be.

192
00:26:32.220 --> 00:26:42.990
Frank Rich: So there's a presupposition with that statement that if you're going to become the man that you were created to be that there's an ultimate creator to who you are so just like the founding fathers did you know, in the declaration.

193
00:26:43.410 --> 00:26:51.750
Frank Rich: You know, we were endowed with our you know inalienable rights through through our creator so there's a message of you know, Christianity, right in the statement of what we're doing.

194
00:26:51.990 --> 00:26:59.070
Frank Rich: With the company with the organization now I have you know helped and worked with men from all over the world from others, you know religions from.

195
00:26:59.280 --> 00:27:05.820
Frank Rich: You know from from an atheistic standpoint, so I think that's another thing that I that i'm able to do because of how we position.

196
00:27:06.120 --> 00:27:17.430
Frank Rich: Our company, but inside of the curriculum, there is a dedicated section and there's a dedicated resources for scripture study and for prayer that that if the men are are willing and ready to do it.

197
00:27:17.640 --> 00:27:27.720
Frank Rich: it's there for them laid out in our group coaching calls we pray together as as as a group, at the beginning and end of every single call so it's a major major part of of what we do.

198
00:27:28.470 --> 00:27:34.290
Frank Rich: And i've been very strategic and how we've kind of set everything up but to answer your question No, I think it is the greatest.

199
00:27:34.770 --> 00:27:48.870
Frank Rich: It is what we are called to do as as believers is create disciples in and there's a major elements of what we're doing with both rebuilt recovery and the podcast so the podcast is actually listed under Christianity it's one of our our subcategories.

200
00:27:49.770 --> 00:28:01.470
Karen Potter: Fantastic and I don't think that you have to explain that either I think pastors listening to this podcast or church leaders are going to appreciate the angle of reaching into because that's really what we're called to do as Christians it's.

201
00:28:01.830 --> 00:28:12.600
Karen Potter: Not just there to serve each other we're there to serve everyone around us and to let them all, you know, see the light of Christ and lead them towards Christ, so I think it's amazing that you have that.

202
00:28:13.050 --> 00:28:17.040
Karen Potter: outreach built into your program because it invites people in that maybe never would have.

203
00:28:17.490 --> 00:28:23.460
Karen Potter: Ever walked with Christ, because nobody had taken the time to introduce them, so I think it's fantastic and.

204
00:28:23.820 --> 00:28:30.990
Karen Potter: We are actually coming to the end of today's podcast, but I do want to just give you an opportunity frank, to promote.

205
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:45.480
Karen Potter: I know that you're providing all of the listeners today a link in the show notes to get your free PDF that we've been talking about today, as well as some other great resources do you want to mention any of those specifically before we close today.

206
00:28:46.050 --> 00:28:52.050
Frank Rich: Yes, soon, as mentioned it a couple times and I apologize for butchering the seven steps for the book that that I wrote.

207
00:28:52.830 --> 00:28:58.380
Frank Rich: But if the seven step guide you know it literally walks you through the seven steps that I believe, if you follow them.

208
00:28:58.620 --> 00:29:06.000
Frank Rich: You will begin, you know, to create a life without pornography so seven step guide you know seven steps to living a life without pornography.

209
00:29:06.510 --> 00:29:16.800
Frank Rich: You know if anybody is interested in in connecting with me I you know we do daily videos on on YouTube you can find us, you know search frank rates or search rebuild your life that's a YouTube channel name.

210
00:29:17.910 --> 00:29:24.030
Frank Rich: And then you know, obviously the podcast is the Superman life, you can find on any platform that's out there and then I.

211
00:29:25.050 --> 00:29:34.080
Frank Rich: yeah me me personally, if you want to connect with me, you can email me at frank at rebuilt recovery COM or check out information on our company at rebuild recovery.com.

212
00:29:35.430 --> 00:29:44.070
Sam Black: that's awesome frank hey Thank you very much, this has been an enlightening conversation I really enjoyed having you with us today awesome it's been my pleasure, thank you guys.

213
00:29:44.730 --> 00:29:54.030
Karen Potter: Thank you so much we'd love to have you back again and so all of our listeners Thank you so much for joining the Covenant eyes church podcast and we'll see you on the next episode take care, everyone.